oooooo.. so shagged after doing a jump shift.. hate it when i dun hav enough slp... vision becum blur and the fact tat i keep yawnin.. did an afternoon shift ytd til 11pm and as usual took 858 home.. the bus trip is abt an hr, k.. so, i ended up reachin home at 12.15 and when i settled down and stuffs... it's alr 12.45am.. in which i'm left with 4 hrs of slp cos i had to wake up at 4.50 for work... sianz rite... haiz, anyw, my contract is ending soon.. which means tat i'm goin to be jobless again... btw, hav been wantin to blog these few days as many tings had happened........

11/3(saturday)
GREAT DISAPPOINTED tat day!!! took a day off tat day specially to go for the u19s selection.. onli realised tat i dun qualified for the selection since i'm alr out of the sch.. wat??!! there goes my chance, man... i cant blame them since they are goin to send this team to Australia to play for a u18 carnival and of cos, they wun choose someone in the squad that cannot play for the carnival.. quite true.. but i was so disappointed... anyw, they did ask mi to try for the u21s selection.. but i decided to withdraw in the end cos firstly, i wasnt keen and secondly, i feel tat i'm stil not up to the standard yet... guess no one can really understand how disappointed i felt..
ard june last yr, i was invited to play for the u19s squad since there is the ASEAN sch tingie goin on.. tat was a golden chance rite.. haha..and i stupidly turned them down cos i'm worried tat i may not be able to cope with my 'A' lvl... and once again, stupidly tink tat i can get into the team again this yr since i'm stil u19... rite now, al these chances are over.. forever over... wat else can i do except for laffin at how stupid i am?? i no longer find the motivation to play well on court..i dun see any purpose of mi to train up my stamina to last for a game.. i no longer hav a goal in mind for netball.. al the dreams are gone.. so wat if i hav the skills, so wat if i hav the experience, so wat if i hav the speed.. wat's the use of al these now?? they wun get mi anywhere... sorry, miss Alice, i guess i had let u down le.. dun pin anymore hope on mi le.. thanks chun di for havin confidence in mi, thinkin tat i'm up to the u21s standard.. but i'm juz lackin the confidence in myself now.......
anyw, no worries.. i'l stay strong.... i hav learned to fight back the tears from al these yrs...